THANK YOU!!!! To start, we are still so floored that we are already here. We honestly thought fundraising what we have would take several months to a year. We feel so blessed and are forever grateful for your support in helping us get this chance at bringing home our baby. We prayed that this process would show us God's faithfulness and goodness again and it has! After walking through the desert for so long, we needed reassurance that God was with us (although we know He always is). Our faith has always been strong that God's hand is on our story but when we sit back and look at what has happened with our adoption so far, we are in ABSOLUTE AWE. God loves adoption and we know this through His word: James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
So I'm sure you are wondering where we are at..... We are officially live and are waiting for a match with a birth mom! It has been so exciting!
Please note that we are keeping some details of our adoption private but we feel like we want to share some of the details of our situation so that you all can be praying with us. We are answering three of the most common questions we get below:
How long will it take?: Man- if only we knew! Typically, our agency says to expect 6-12 months for a match with a birth mom. There are a few things that have happened so far that lead us to believe that it could be much sooner than that, but we are also not getting our hopes up. By now, we are pros at waiting and waiting and waiting, but we would be lying if we said every day didn't feel 20x longer than normal because we are just so excited and expectant of good news.
What is encouraging is that our agency places an average of around 18-20 newborns a year. They typically carry a case load of about 12 waiting families at one time. Right now, we are one of five waiting families. One family is on hold because of COVID. The second family had an expired home-study they are working on. The third family has a preference of an Indian or Hispanic birth mom, and the fourth family is waiting for a boy and they have two children already. We get super excited when we hear this because it sounds like we might be chosen quickly out of this bunch- BUT we know we need to be realistic and patient. Adoption takes time, and although we would love a super quick match, we need to be very realistic. Sometimes we catch ourselves saying "our baby is probably already out there somewhere forming in someone else's womb, we just haven't met them yet."
We have learned through all of our struggles that having realistic expectations helps us better deal with disappointment, so we are choosing to be cautiously optimistic. If you could pray for our hearts on this, we would so appreciate it!
How far along will the mom be?: For our protection, our agency likes to work with moms once they are out of the first trimester. As we know personally, one in four pregnancies ends in a miscarriage, so our agency waits for a healthy part in a birth mom's pregnancy to look for a potential match. What is crazy is that the birth mom could be at any gestational age. She could be 14 weeks, 26 weeks, 39 weeks or she may have already just given birth in the hospital when we get a call to match (yes this happens most of the time and we were shocked too!) SO- we could have some time to prepare for the baby or we could get a call like "there's a birth mom who just gave birth in XXX state and they chose your profile, can you hop on a flight?" Crazy right? I (Aubrey) am a huge planner so learning to let go of all of that has been so out of character for me but I'm somewhat loving it.
One thing we did to prepare was go out and buy some of our nursery furniture. I know we don't really need furniture for a baby but it certainly helps the "nesting" process. Our other friends have been saving their baby stuff for us for about a year, and we have been working on our registry. Our next step is a car seat in case we get a crazy call that there's a baby needing a home ASAP.
What kind of relationship will you have with the birth mom?: This is one of the most tender parts of our adoption. With each exciting step in our journey, there is a mama out there walking through the steps of making extremely difficult decisions. We cannot begin to understand the magnitude of decisions she will have to make. We cannot begin to realize what her reality is as she chooses this path and what difficult situations she is walking through that are leading her our way. We want to acknowledge that although our family will be growing through adoption, another family is going to be suffering a loss.
Mother's Day was hard this year but also full of promise. When I found a quiet moment in the day, I thought about the mother across the country that is or will be carrying our future baby. I would imagine Mother's Day was hard on her as well. In that small way, we will always be connected. To be honest, it is hard for us to sometimes be so overjoyed that we will be welcoming a baby into our family, because we are also trying to understand the incredible loss that our birth mama will be feeling. There is loss in adoption, and grief. We have felt only an inkling of this grief through our miscarriage, but the magnitude of her loss is and will not be lost on us.
Our dream is to have an amazing relationship with our birth mom. We would like to come alongside her throughout her pregnancy to support her and also love her well through life after she gives birth. As much as we already have so much love for our coming child, we have the same love for his or her birth mother as well. Without her, our story would not be what it will be. We have been praying for her for SO LONG. Can you pray for her too? We already know that she will be brave and selfless. How can we ever thank her for the sacrifices she will make in order for us to be parents? Adoption is one of the most selfless acts in the world. The love a mother has for her child when she chooses another life for them is courageous and awe-inspiring. A mother's love is unconditional and knows no boundaries. We will be forever honored to have her as a part of her life as we accept her child into our home.
I (Aubrey) keep having dreams that our birth mama is actually a mama of an older age. I dream that she has several children already, and gets pregnant by surprise. For whatever circumstances, she is unable to raise this child and decides to place them for adoption. We will see if these dreams are correct and what God will do!
To sum it all up- we are SO EXCITED! We are prayerfully waiting with our palms up and open to whatever God is bringing our way.
Stay tuned! Our next post will be an update of our puzzle piece fundraiser- which is already over 75% there! Amazing!
With SO MUCH love,
Aubrey and Matthew Herron
Written by Aubrey and Matthew Herron